Wednesday, May 31, 2006

I have a question!

It's 1:35 p.m. It's lunch-break time and almost everyone is out of the office so it's kind of quiet around! I don't know if this silence is good or bad. Sometimes I love it as I feel I need to have a quiet hour to sit with myself after a hectic day.

But today, I don't feel so. The atmosphere around makes me feel dreadfully sleepy, which brings me to the reason why I am writing this post...

I sleep minimum 7.5 hours daily, and in average 8 - 8.5 hours, which should be perfect for adults. Now why am I always very sleepy? Sari would answer this immediately "It's cause you are not an adult, you are a 7-year-old child!!"

Does this by any chance have to do with the fact that I dream a lot? what brought this thought to my mind, not only that I dream a lot, is that while I am sleeping I have conversations with myself about the dream "being shown"!! If it is a "show"I don't like, I would tell myself " It's ok, it's a dream that will end soon!" It's like I am on two levels during my sleep, the first is deeply sleeping and dreaming, while the other is supervising and monitoring!

I know that is funny and seems totally illogical. But here is my theory about it: Dreaming this much and being so alert about dreams while I am sleeping reduces the quality of sleep I get. So maybe the 8 hourrs I take gives me the quality of 5?

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Some Photos, Finally!!

It was a nice long weekend. I had a good rest, visited some friends with Sari, Went for the celebration of The Independence Day held by Fastlink at Hussein Gardens, and most importantly, finished some tasks that have been on the 'to do' list for long. We had to move some stuff into our home.

I don't have much to say!! But I do have some pictures to share with you!

This picture up is at our home, Sari and me sitting on the balcony after Sari and his brother "Anas" finished moving the desk, paravan and my fitness flyer into the house. By the way, Thanks Anas!!

And here are some of the photos at Hussein Gardens!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

42 Days left!

This is my Dad's way of calculating days, crossing out today and the day of the wedding, there are only 42 days left.

My feelings are confused about it; I feel it's still too far because I can't wait till it comes. But when I use my brains (which I rarely do :)) I panic as there isn't really much time left, especially when I think about the things I have to do before the 6th of July!!!

At the moment, I'm exploring the options for a honeymoon. I'm being a bit frustrated about it as prices are crazily expensive. But I didn’t give up yet, I will look for more options and find the perfect package. :)

The invitation cards are another thing! A friend of ours, actually he is Sari's brother in law, promised us to design something special for us. I am sure he will design something very nice and special. He is very talented! Ooh, you should know him guys! He is Wa'el Attili! After I get the design, I will have to find a print house to do the job for a good price!

Ok, I will stop listing as I will never finish, and there are so many thoughts I want to share here!!

Khalida and Naseem were triggered with the wedding seasons upcoming and had some thoughts to share! I agree with the Naseem about the "middle class syndrome", I agree as well with Khalida that SOME people, but not all, overdo it in weddings.

But hey, I seem to be a bit more optimistic about the whole issue. I think I have to be since I am getting married in 42 days! I don’t think things are as bad as we think they are or as they seem to be. I don’t blame any bride who is looking forward to her wedding day and wishing to make it the most beautiful and memorable ever, even if it's going to cost a bit morem it's once in a lifetime! I want this. I want to hold a very nice party, I want to wear the white dreamy dress I want to dance till the morning and I want firewroks!!! But this would not necessarily cost us 30k! I agree that some ladies or families overdo it. But I know that many others don’t. I don’t think any mature lady would make her fiancĂ© / husband-to-be pay 10k for the wedding ceremony while he cannot afford it! They just make the best out of their resources and plan the most important day of their lives to be just as they have been dreaming of ever since they were 5 years old!

We can have different point of views of what makes your day the best, Amr Diab or just a small family dinner. But the bottom line here is: This is your day! Make the best out of it!

But you know what gets on my nerve in the wedding party? The list of invitees. My family has the list they want to invite, and when I look at it, I feel unhappy. More then one third of the list are people I haven't seen for the past 2 years, and wouldn’t see ever after I get married or people I don’t care about and their presence won't mean anything to me! Why do I have to invite some relatives or acquaintances that I hate to see, and I know for fact they hate me? Why do I have to have them ruin my wedding? Why do I have to invite people who will come to my wedding, sit there criticizing my dress, my make-up and the food??

The problem here is that you will always have number obligations. So I ended up crossing out some friends of ours that we would love to have for some people I don’t want to see at my wedding! And why is all that? It's the "wajib". They invited us. They are your relatives etc…

I remember here one of Lina's posts:
"I’ve learned something, and I’m making it a point to implement it in my life.
Stop doing things because you have to. Stop going to gatherings just to fulfill social obligations. Stop the needless ‘mujamaleh’ and pleasantries, stop putting
on masks and faking politeness."

I can't agree more Lina!!

Other than this, I am so excited about my wedding!!

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

3areesena Zeen il Shabab!

Yesterday was an important day! At least in the schedule of our "To do" list that seems to be endless as the wedding day is approaching!!!!

Here is the important news!

Sari bought the wedding suit!!! A Tuxedo of course!!!

He looks so handsome in that suit!! I really regret not having the camera to take some photos of it!! This teaches me a lesson. I will always carry the camera with me so I would be able to take photos and share them on the blog!

And while we were in the shop, just about to pay for the suit and leave, I started to look around, and ofcourse found million of nice stuff for Sari to buy! And I ended up convincing him that he needs this and that, and he ended up buying a bunch of trousers and shirts!! I think he hates me for that!!

I have a question: Why don't you guys like to buy clothes? Who is overdoing it exactly? Are we overdoing our "Obssession" to buy clothes? Or you guys are overdoing not caring enough about it?

Mabroooook Ya 3areeeees!

Thursday, May 18, 2006


I am depressed.

I have so many thoughts; I don't know where to start.

I feel like crying. Have you ever had that feeling? The need to cry? I have been holding my tears back since Tuesday noon, trying to look strong. Well, I am surprised from myself, I never had that ability to hold back my tears, I used to be very sensitive and it was the easiest thing on earth to cry. Maybe I should be happy that I learnt to control my self. Or isn’t it sad to loose the only sensitive part you had?

I didn't cry, Yet!! But I do feel the urge need, I feel I would collapse at the first click.


I just have a question. Say you are in a middle of a discussion with someone, who thinks that you have done a big mistake (Maybe you actually did, but this is not my question), and it holds much more than it shows; that it ruined the trust, and you are irresponsible.... Then suddenly, the other person asks you: "am I exaggerating about it?" and then answers himself "I don’t think so". What is this supposed to mean? Wouldn’t it mean that somewhere deep down he feels he is actually exaggerating? I mean if that person did not feel he's gone too far, would that thought of being "Exaggerative " cross his mind? It wouldn’t cross my mind unless I really feel I am exaggerating, BIG TIME!

More problems are coming in the way. I really feel down! I know I seem to be a very bad-mooded person, and I know it's not fun at all reading such posts…

I don't even have a weekend to look forward to!

Anyway, life seems better after eating!

I hope no other problems are waiting for me behind the door!

I feel a bit better!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Confused, and a bit upset!

It's so ironic how life keeps surprising us. Few months ago I was feeling lost; not because I didn't know where I was going but because I didn't feeling I was at the right place at all.
Every while and then anyone of us would feel the need of change, the need of joining in a new company with a new atmosphere, the need to improve and impress more people with your talents.

So this is what happened to me, suddenly and out of the blue, I decided to change my career path; it was obvious I am going to do, especially with the huge numbers I am being offered from other companies outside Jordan, the low future opportunities and the minimal attention I am receiving from mine. It raised my ego being wanted, and also raised my worries about staying in my company. So after all I decided to go and explore more opportunities.

But it seemed like opportunities were looking for me this time. One afternoon, I was shocked with someone calling me asking to see me for an interview. I went there and met him. He seemed to be a very nice businessperson with a good package in his basket (how do I know? Good question! Well, it's my talent to know people). It was a good interview, I think I fulfilled his needs and impressed him that he almost asked me to get back with him and start immediately.
I still don’t have anything solid yet. Although I have always rejected all the offers I got to go outside Jordan (for my family's sake, nothing else), it seems that I am now ready to take the trip for a better future (hopefully).

And I started thinking that I should work on creating a strong team to handle all my responsibilities around here, and so my leave would go more smoothly. There will still be gaps that only me can cover due to personality and experience I have, but I can't hand those over (Thank GOD!).

Although I was happy with how things evolved, I somehow began to have second thoughts about it and felt I did a mistake that I was going to leave my manager, who is my friend initially (in everything except money!!)
And I got stuck in this trap, until a friend advised me to take a look at the overall picture, listen to the ongoing debates in the company, and see where we are standing at the time being. Then it suddenly hit my mind, this golden rule that says:
Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
I became very loyal to my company and manager, while I was just another employee there!
I looked around I found my self in a very good position, I am a key person to my company and to My VIP clients as well. Nevertheless, I won't get any further with the current procedures and policies at the company. I had to face it; the world is running around someone else these days.
Why Am I so upset now?

After I almost took my decision of leaving and moving ahead in my life, my destiny has a surprise for me!
We are having what we call the storm of resignations at the company; I won't talk about the reasons of those resignations because I don’t know for sure if what I heard was the real ones. However, I will talk about what happened to me after the news had spread all around.
Ironically, I was suddenly pulled up to the highest and most important level in the company, higher even than the level of the owner himself! Of course without the boy driving my car or an open account in my bank.

What really bothers me here is not the change or the conflict I had with the options on the table. It’s the way how things changed in the company, I know now that I can ask for anything I want do whatever I want.

What I really don’t know is: wasn’t it so obvious for my manager that he had gambled on the wrong horse for a long time? The funny thing is that he expected to collect the same number from his second best horse. Ignoring that in life there is no such in-between decisions. Wasn't it clear for him which horse was going to win?
I wonder, do I really make others my priority while I am their option? Do I have to emphasize every single task and achievement to my manager in order to get his full attention? Or may be as ReemO always says, I just expect too much from others….

Experience tells you what to do; confidence allows you to do it.

Good morning everyone;
It seems that today is a distinguished one in my life. Three months ago I interviewed a fresh graduat from Yarmuk University, although it was my seventh interview that day but I was astonished with the willing to do and the smooth and sweet confident he had. In that day I was very amazed that such a poor and aged educational system can let go for some exceptions in the market. He was very worried if eventually he would find his chance to prove him self, or is it just relations that can create chances. Believe me I've tried my best to take him in my team, but he was right someone from the top management has a deal that needeed some extra effort to close it.

Today the good news came and finally I could do someone a big favor by empowering his team with this new and pure blood. I know that he deserves the chance and I really wish him the best, not because I am tough with the quality of the teams I create and I always search for the best fit; but because he had worked hardly on himself and I like that. Finaly my friend I wish you can read this some day because I am not telling you about it. And you know that if you don’t know were you are going any road will take you there. Its just the right way that make it easier, permanent and enjoyable.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Back to writing, with a Thank-You note

Writing used to be a hobby of mine. I am saying "used to be" because it has been ages since I last wrote a word. It has been probably three years now! At some time in my life I used to keep diaries, I remember that I used to write when I felt bad, or when I had any feeling I need to express.

Why did I stop? I don’t know. I even feel I lost the talent of writing, that is if I had one in the first place! I think I wasn't too bad, I always used to get the best marks for that boring part of English and Arabic lessons: Composition!

So!! What am I trying to say?

Ok, I wanted to say that I decided to start writing again. I am not sure how good I am going to be, or if I would actually keep up with this! But the important thing I would like to share here is:

Thanks Lina!!

I think all bloggers know Lina very well. And I was lucky to be her colleague!
She inspires me too much, and I have to admit that this is all her influence on me. I honestly have to say that I can't remember I was ever this strongly affected by anyone.

Cheers my friend!

Good Morning!

Hello All!!

This is my first blog, and first post. I know I should first introduce myself to this lovely blogosphere! But I think I have chosen the wrong timing. I am so sleepy at the moment that the only thing I can think about is my warm BED!

Anyway, I will just say Hi to all now, hoping I will be posting something more interesting soon. when I wake up hopefully (I'd better do or I will get fired!!).